First Spankfinder Date

After putting a profile up on spankfinder, even without a picture, I was messaged/winked at/"hotlisted" by pretty much every guy in the NYC area. Out of curiosity, I searched for other women in my age range in the area, and only about 4 or 5 other profiles popped up.

I feel like every guy I met off of craigslist thought of me as "that slut off craigslist." Okay, I'm probably paranoid and maybe judging myself a little, but that was how I was feeling. So I didn't respond to anyone that said anything remotely sexual.

So I started talking to two guys. One is 29 and from the midwest, like me. The other is 35 and from France. 35 year old has pictures up and looks hot.

29 year old guy asked me on a date, so last night we met for happy hour at a bar in the east village. He was quite cute and a banker. He lives in a studio in the area and was very cute. The one thing was, he looked a little like Lily's exboyfriend. While I really liked her ex, it would be a little weird to date someone who looked like him.

He said he had pretty much given up on finding someone on the website, but we seemed to really hit it off. After a drink or two he told me he was going to definitely kiss me goodnight. He wanted to talk more about spanking, but I tried to hold off a little. What we did have in common was the struggle with telling people we are dating.

He kissed me, and then walked me to the subway station. On the way, he pulled me onto a park bench and we kissed more.

I'm really excited about this.

Up to His Old Tricks?

So, as it turns out Ben is not actually looking for much more than we had before. We had lunch, finally this week. He was funnier than I remembered, taller than I remembered too. However, his hair was a mess. I wanted to have a hair intervention. He just got out of a 7 year relationship (on and off, off while we were "seeing each other"), and ex sounds batshit crazy. seriously crazy. Anyway, when I got back to my office I started getting gchats about how he couldn't stop thinking of the time we spent together, but wanted to be my friend with benefits. He did emphasize the "Friend" part and said that he thought it would be much hotter if we had a real friendship.

I was kind of like "friend with benefits sounds like casually dating to me, except you don't pay for my drinks" which he found funny.

I think he's being kind of a slut now that he's single. I don't want to be a rebound. I"m totally intrigued and wanting a spanking.

Spankfinder.com

Well, what is this? A FREE dating site for people into spanking? YES PLEASE.

I put a profile up. No picture, because what if one of my father's friends is also into spanking, and has a preference for 28 year old girls?

And, to whoever made this site. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.

Nate's Over...but Guess Who's Back???!?!?!

The beach was the last time I saw Nate, I kept getting text after text from him, but no invites to do anything. I started getting bored and stopped responding to the texts enthusiastically. So now, nothing.

James also panned out to be nothing. I got that email from him...and then nothing, nothing, nothing. I've been so busy at my new job I haven't had much time to think about dating.

And then yesterday, I had a message from Ben on Facebook. It said

I still think about you. I'd love to see you again if you're back in New York.

Now, Ben had emailed me once last year looking to hook up again. I gave him a pretty straight forward "NO WAY." There's actually more of a story than that. I had never told Ben my last name, or gave him my actual email address. He took a few things he knew about me, combined with my first name and googled until he came up with a picture and a name. It was from my college website for this award I won. Then he found me on facebook. Creepy? Flattering? To this day I don't know.

So I wrote back

I am back in New York. I moved back a few months ago. I'm flattered you're still interested, but we're not looking for the same thing.

What are you looking for?

More than what you want to give me.

I can give you more now. I feel badly about how things went between us.

You don't need to feel badly about how things went, so I hope that's not why you say that. I suppose if you ask me out, I would say yes. I'm too busy right now, maybe in October.

I can wait until then.

So that was unexpected. Seriously, we hooked up like 4 times over 2 years ago. I never even really had the impression he liked me very much.

One of my roommates in college once commented that every guy I dated always came back for more, like I was the one they never forgot. I won't say I'm like that to everyone I've slept with. A lot of them do tend to come back though. Maybe it's because I let them do whatever they want to me in bed?

Saturday at the Beach

I think it was the last beach day of the summer! Nate starts teaching Tuesday, I'm back in the swing of things at my new job...

He picked me up at 11 and we headed to the beach. Swimming/making out while swimming/tanning/making out while tanning/reading/picnic. It was a great day. He also opened up a little more, and was way more talkative than our first day at the beach. He actually told me that he doesn't like talking on the phone, because he always thinks he is interrupting people. I don't know if that was a reference to what I had texted him last wednesday, but I didn't push the point, figuring I could always bring it up later.

Around 4 he told me he was eager to get me home, so we went back to his place and showered together. Johannes wasn't into showering together, but it's something I kind of enjoy. Nate was soaping me up and washing my hair, it was pretty sexy. Then he threw me down on his bed and we started going at it.

Invite to Trivia

It's been an entire week since I heard from Nate.

I play trivia on Thursday nights, and Thursday afternoon we were one short for our trivia team. I don't know what made me do it, but I sent Nate a text asking if he would like to be our 5th. He responded right away and told me he definitely wanted to come. Then I ended up getting stuck at this work thing, and couldn't make it, so I ended up canceling. He told me the weather was looking nice for the weekend. I took that as a cue he wanted to go to the beach again, so I asked him if he would like to take me to the beach Saturday.

He did want to take me. Now I'm confused. But at least if we go to the beach, its not like we're just hooking up. He does want to hang out with me...but doesn't want to call? doesn't want to put in the effort? I'm just not sure what I think about the whole thing, and what he's thinking...

... an email from James?

I just got an email from James, who I hadn't heard from since just after our dinner date a few weeks ago. It said,

Hows the job hunt? Sorry I disappeared, I've been really busy at work, and traveling every weekend! I'm actually in Indiana for the next 12 days...

-James

We haven't even kissed yet, so despite the fact I haven't heard from him for 16 days (according to my gmail stamps) I'm willing to give him a second chance. Also, his company is going through some big changes right now and is all over the news, so he's not even lying. I crafted a response, but of course I'm not going to send it for a few days to make him wait, haha.

Hey James,

I actually got a job offer last week, and start my new job Monday! I hope you are enjoying being at home, I was home a few weeks ago and it was really nice. Why don't you let me know when you have some free time again, or if you're hiking anytime soon I would love to join. I forgot how being in the city make me feel disconnected from nature. (yes, thats the most earth-child thing I've written in awhile)

-Rose

Frustration

First of all, JOB!!!!! I finally got a job offer, and I was even able to enter into negotiations and get myself an extra week of vacation and an earlier start to the benefits. I start next week! This is really great, because I currently have $800 to my name. I was going to have to get a waitressing job to make ends meet, and I really did not want that.

Second of all, I heard from Nate around 2 pm on Tuesday. I'm starting to think he is a classic pursuer/distancer. For example, after we had sex he was all, "I'm not into cuddling." I'm not really either, especially when I'm trying to fall asleep. So I responded, "Great!" and rolled over to the other side of the bed. Instantly, he was on top of me and suddenly all about the cuddles. Then, when I left his apartment without waking him up on Tuesday morning, he was probably like, "Why did she leave?" so I started getting texts right away.

He was basically texting me every few hours. He would send a text, and then I would respond, and eventually I would stop responding as soon as a text did not require a response. Then, a few hours later he would restart the conversation.

In one conversation I told him he had left me too sore and tired for my final run before my taper, so I had to move my schedule back a day. He texted back:

Then I'm sorry for fucking you

I responded

I don't believe that for a second!

He replied

You're right. I feel no remorse, and would like to do it again!

I wrote back

Here are some things you could do to make it happen again. A) Ask me out! B) Bonus points if you call rather than text

And then silence. Nothing. Now its Friday and I'm feeling like this is Ben all over again. Great, I'm good enough to fuck again, but not to go out with again? This actually made me feel really shitty. I don't know what to do. I do know that I'm looking for more than a fuck buddy situation and that I am not going to do the Ben thing again.

This Morning I Can't Sit Down

All weekend Nate was blowing up my phone. I went home for the weekend to spend time with my family, and he was sending flirty texts all weekend. I was careful to make sure he always sent the last text, and that he always sent the first one too. However, he never asked me about my schedule or if I wanted to meet up.

Monday I was on a pub crawl in his neighborhood, so with one, or two (or four) drinks in me I sent him a text asking if he wanted to join. He was at first slightly reluctant and said he might come, to which I replied

No Way. If you don't come in the next hour, no game! I'll be far too drunk and you too sober.

He came, just under an hour later. It wasn't 5 minutes before his hand was grabbing my knee and caressing my leg under the table. He proceeded to accompany us to the last three bars. At the last bar, around 8 pm, he told me he couldn't wait to make out with me in private and asked me to come home with him.

Okay. I knew I probably shouldn't have texted him when I was already drinking. I knew that I probably shouldn't sleep with him on our 3rd date. I did both.

We went back to his place and started making out on his couch. He put his hand up my skirt and found out I wasn't wearing any panties. I hadn't planned to not wear panties or text him, but I had been at the gym in the morning (my big half marathon is this upcoming weekend!), and had forgot to pack a pair!

I got a spanking for that. He spanked me really really hard. Way harder than Rob ever did. Way harder than Ben ever did. We fooled around for hours, and after a few hours we fucked. We did it in every position. He was also really into going down on me... and eating my ass. Is this something new people are doing? Johannes was really into it, this Austrian guy I took home with me was really into it, and now Nate? Before the last three people I've hooked up with, no had ever expressed any interest in it. Suddenly, boys cannot get enough of my ass.

He also slapped my face a few times, which is something Rob and I had played around with. I slapped him back, which is something I like. Also, he had a huge cock, which I was worried about. I mean, I was worried he would have a small one!

He couldn't seem to believe that boys were not into spanking me. He also seemed really into my eyes. Anyway, after we were finished I was trying to sleep, but he would not leave me alone.

In the morning I woke up early and was starving. He was still very asleep so I quietly left. In the morning I was kind of regretting jumping so quickly into bed with him. It felt like Ben all over again, like I was never going to hear from him again or he was only going to call me when he wanted to hook up.

I missed Johannes so much. I just wish he didn't live in a different hemisphere.

Is it Already Over?

I've never really dated two people at the same time before, so I was pretty excited about the last two weeks. However, I'm starting to think that neither one is going anywhere.

Nate and I shared our first kiss last Friday and I thought we had a great time at the beach. I haven't heard from him since, and now it's Wednesday so I get the feeling I'm not going to hear from him. I was really attracted to him so this is kind of a letdown.

I also haven't heard much from James. He sent me a bunch of emails after our date, but they kind of tapered off over the last week. I suggested we hang out sometime next week on Monday (the last time I heard from him), but no response. Again, its Wednesday.

ARGGGHHHH. How many girls are these guys seeing that want to be spanked? I mean, aren't guys supposed to stop calling AFTER you sleep with them? I forgot how frustrating dating is in this stupid city.

Beach!

The day after our date, Nate invited me to come to the beach with him. He has the summer off as a teacher and has been spending his days sunbathing and swimming in the ocean. I said yes, and he picked me up (in his car! Highroller!) and drove me.

We packed a picnic- I brought sandwiches and blackberries, he brought chips, sunflower seeds, and some beer. I was a little nervous about a beach date, because it involved basically stripping down to my underwear in front of someone I barely know, but who I think wants to sleep with me. I told myself I was looking pretty good in a bikini this summer, especially with all the running I've been doing.

So we've spread our stuff out on the beach. It's the moment of truth, and I take off my dress. And it feels awkward, almost like I am undressing for him. Then I realize: Holy Shit, I'm going to have to ask him to put sunscreen on my back. I sort of tersely ask "would you mind putting sunscreen on my back?"

Of course he doesn't mind, and then all of a sudden his hands are all over my back, and massaging the sunscreen in. He seems especially interested in smoothing the sunscreen around my waist. Okay I think, relieved, He seems interested enough in my body even though I'm not wearing anything. It's weird- I'm never nervous taking my clothes off in private, because I think I have a pretty great body. However, I don't really have a "skinny bikini body" meaning that my stomach is not terribly flat. I've got amazing breasts (or so I've been told) and an hour glass shape, but my stomach itself is more rounded. I've never had a guy approach me and hit on me while I'm in a bathing suit.

We were laying on the beach, reading our books. I was reading "Disgrace" by JM Coetze. I didn't really realize that it was about a man who witnesses his daughters rape. Not exactly a beach read! It was pretty intense, and I wasn't really getting into it in that setting, so I put it down for awhile. Nate seemed pretty into his book, moreso than he was into me. Again! His supposed disinterest was turning me on.

Then, all of a sudden, Nate's hand is on my chin and he pulls my face into his and kisses me. It was nice! We kissed for a few seconds and then I was all shy about it. We ended up kissing more on the blanket, and we went into the water together and he was all over me. We were play wrestling in the water and he was rubbing my back afterwards while we were laying on the beach.

Then he drove me home, and kept kissing me at every stoplight. He dropped me off at my door and told me we should do it again. I was pretty excited by the whole thing. He's really cute!

Coffee with a Genius?

I have NEVER said this about anyone before, but I think Nate might be too smart for me. We met up earlier today, and he was quite handsome- more handsome than I was expecting from the picture he sent. I was expecting him to be more gangly, because he looked super skinny in the photos.

We had a really nice conversation, and hung out for about two hours. I'm pretty smart- I went to a great college, I'm fairly witty in conversation, I know a lot of random trivia, I'm well traveled, well read and the recipient of a fairly prestigious international scholarship. He went to an ivy league, and despite having a humanities major he "dabbled" in graduate level math and physics. It was just a feeling I got while talking to him- not that I couldn't keep up, but just that I wasn't quite on his intellectual level. He wasn't even obnoxious about it, but I couldn't shake the feeling.

I had trouble reading whether or not he was interested, until he offered to walk me to my train and found an excuse to briefly touch me on my arm. Then I was like (to myself, not outloud) "ohhhh, you ARE interested."

There must be something about people I can't read that intrigues me, because I seemingly continue to date them. Its like, I get overly sexually attracted to people when I don't know if they're interested. I always want what I can't have!

I left my date quite interested in Nate. Apparently, he did too because I got some funny text from him a few hours later, and we texted a little back and forth over the evening. Then he texted this:

Next time we go somewhere for a drink so I can grill you about your, ahem, "interest."

I was so turned on when I got this text, I wanted to immediately be like, "ask away!" Then I remembered Ben, and I decided I should hold off awhile if I actually want to date him and not just get spankings from him.

Haha it's actually something I'm quite shy about so you're either going to have to get me wasted or (preferably) wait to get to know me a little better.

He responded

I guess that's reasonable

Again, now I am in the mode where I'm like "well, I hope he doesn't take that as a sign of disinterest." Its funny how I am like that- I wanted to please him with my answers, but if I'm not 100% percent comfortable then of course I shouldn't. I have to remember my mother's advice that you should never show your cards up front, and you have to preserve a little mystery because that is what men like. My mother's advice isn't terribly "PC" but it certainly works!

Wednesday Updates

Craigslist Bachelor #2 (Nate) finally asked me out, we're meeting tomorrow for coffee. I'm pretty excited about a day date possibility (He is a teacher, so he's also free during the day in the summer).

James emailed me the day after our date with some links that had related to our conversation the night before. So I think I will take that as a sign of interest! He seems slightly shy, and quite gentlemanly. I hope he isn't a gentleman forever and will take steps to make sure we end up kissing on our next date!

Dinner Date with James

James asked me to go to dinner with him this week, so Monday night we met up. He had asked me to choose the restaurant, which turned out to be quite stressful. I'm currently unemployed and job searching, so I was definitely hoping he would pay for dinner. But if he didn't, then I had to pick a restaurant that wouldn't blow my budget. Also, I didn't know what kind of money he wanted to spend.

I decided to stick with a theme- Mexican- and suggested a few restaurants with a variety of different price ranges. He actually said he loved Mexican and had another place in mind that he thought I would like. We met up for street style tacos and Mexican grilled corn on the cob. It was delicious (and he was quite a gentleman, and did pay). Also, he ordered for me, which no one has ever done before. He had asked what I wanted, and then when the waiter came he placed the order for both of us, and then asked what I wanted to drink. He had just come back from a weekend long party with some friends from college, so he didn't want anything alcoholic. I ordered a margarita for myself.

The conversation flowed a little bit more, and I found myself thinking he was much cuter than the first time we had met. He is quieter then the men I tend to date, but he seems worth getting to know. After dinner he suggested a game of pool, so we went and played. He basically killed me in the game, but I ended up winning one because he scratched on the 8 ball. Then he walked me to the train again, and I realized why people drink on dates.

There we were, standing in the middle of the street in New York City with a thousand people around, and I think he wanted to kiss me. And I wanted him to kiss me. Instead, we both awkwardly hugged each other, and I told him I would like to hang out again.

Now I'm totally concerned he's going to think I'm not interested, which is not the case. Seriously though, I didn't want to kiss him in the middle of a thousand people, but I also didn't want to go back to his apartment because I didn't want to take things too quickly.

Date #2: The Teacher

I also wrote back to another guy who had responded to my craigslist ad. He is tall (6'1") and a school teacher. This may sound strange, but the thing I liked about his response was that he is a really good writer.

We've been writing back and forth for about a week now, but he hasn't asked me on a date yet. On principle I refuse to ask men out. I'm hoping he gets his act together and justs asks, because he sounds pretty interesting. I also have some pretty serious teacher-student fantasies.

Ice Cream

I met James for ice cream around 8:30 pm. I was running a little late and definitely very nervous. I wasn't immediately overly attractive to him, but he was nice looking. We walked around a bit, and when he asked where I grew up we "discovered" we had a few mutual friends. I talk a lot when I get nervous, so I felt like most of the date was me talking and talking. He was really nice, and walked me back to my subway at the end of the night. He even stood with me on the platform and waited for my train to arrive. I hope he calls again. I would definitely go out with him.

Date #1: The Mutual Friend

There were three guys who I thought sounded interesting. The first was 26 and also lived in Brooklyn and worked in my industry. He looked pretty cute in his picture, so I did the logical thing. I looked him up on facebook. And there he was! Maybe... I couldn't really tell if it was the same person. So I perused his profile. Under groups, he was in many that had titles like, "Women belong in the kitchen!"

I can take a joke, but I also think that after college you might want to limit how you present yourself to the world. "Women belong in the kitchen" joke or not is not standing out as someone I see myself dating.

The second guy, James, was cute, and looked kind of familiar. I looked him up on facebook too. I'm pretty sure we don't actually know each other, but we do have a mutual friend- a girl I knew in high school but haven't seen since. Although, she did run into my mother a few weeks ago and asked how I was doing.

I then clicked on her (Ashley) profile, and its seems they are really good friends, because he's posted on her wall in the last few days. Okay, if he is friends with Ashley he can't be that creepy! So I responded to his email.

In his next email he asked me out, and we decided to meet for an ice cream. Ice cream seemed really low pressure to me, and also avoided alcohol. I tend to make poor decisions regarding sex when I'm drinking, and I'm really looking to date someone this time!

Dates tonight. I hope it goes well! (and he doesn't know we have a mutual friend yet...)

The responses

As always, the responses from my craigslist ad were nothing short of astounding. I got about 70 responses in the days that followed me posting it. Most people responding were outside my age limits, of course, and most of the rest were people I wasn't attracted to. Here were some of my favorites:

I am a french (Paris) white men, 26 years old. I do loot of sport. I am 6ft and 180 lbs. Im a drug and disease free.
I like giving pleasure will oral sex. I like licking pussy and i m pretty good at that and lot of others sexual things.
I dont know what to say, but feel free to ask anything you want to know.

Thats just kind of awkward.

I got a response from a much older married man who encouraged me to write him so I would have a friend to talk to about my spanking interests. Maybe I will send him a link to my blog. Then again, maybe he was just looking to masterbate to our conversation. If I send him my blog link he can just masterbate to that!

I got some pretty obscene fantasies... again, not really what I'm looking for.

This one made me laugh

Hi I am Ralph thats a funny story with the spanking I also like to hike I just came make back from pa

any way you seem like a fun girl. could you please send me a pic.

And my personal favorite:

Wow!!!!!!!! I replied to your posting hoping for a chance to chat and find out more, and you totally ignored me. That's not very nice..... If only we were in a relationship I would have to straighten you out for that one. But for now i can do nothing of the sort, for now

So I'm sending a second response hoping this time you will acknowledge my effort and get back to me.

First of all, I didn't get a first email from that email address, so I have no idea who this is. Second, I obviously wasn't interested if I didn't respond. And third, only my grandmother uses that many exclaimation points!!!!!!!!!!

Searching Again

Back in New York I reconnected with all my old friends. Most of them are married now, or in serious relationships. I've got a few single friends, but mostly what I discovered is: I don't have much of a chance of meeting someone new through them. Because they are girls. And the only have girl friends. And the single guys I know also only have girl friends.

I posted again on Craigslist. This time I emphasized that I wanted to get to know someone before being bare-bottomed over their knee.

I posted:

I'm 28, tall, pretty and intelligent. I love spending time outdoors and I'm an avid runner currently training for a half marathon. I'm fun and easy-going.

I don't really have a problem meeting men, so you might ask why am I posting on craigslist?

It's because I'm a little bit kinky and I like being spanked. In my experience, not everyone thinks spanking is so amazing. I'm not usually so forward, and I usually prefer to get to know someone before discussing anything remotely like this, but I'm sick of wasting my time dating people who aren't interested. I'm looking for someone who has a mutual interest in this, but wants to get to know me before we dive in.

Please be between 25 and 35, cute, interesting and preferably taller than me (5'7")

Now I'm waiting for the responses to pour in.

So Where the Hell Have I Been for A Year and A Half

In February of 2009, the (secret) love of my life, Sean, confessed his undying love for me on Valentines Day. We got back together and planned to stay together while I went abroad. He was worried I would meet someone else, I couldn't imagine not wanting to be with him.

My checklist for this blog was to find someone who I sexually, emotionally and intellectually connected with. Emotionally and Intellectually were obviously there, and though Sean wasn't particularly into spanking, he was willing to give it a go.

Or he was at first. Or, more accurately, he SAID he was. In reality, he would make little disparaging comments about my sexual preferences. Worse than that, while I was away he fell into a deep depression. And I met a gorgeous South African. When I talked to Sean on the phone it was all about how much he hated his life, but he wasn't willing to make any changes. When I talked to Johannes, he was always on another adventure.

I fell in love. I moved to South Africa. I LOVED it. I loved Johannes, but I wasn't ready to move halfway around the world, and he wasn't ready for me to move to Cape Town to be with him permanently.

Now I'm (newly) 28, back in NYC, and back to blogging.

Back in The USA

A year after leaving, I've returned. I was teaching in Chile for awhile, and planned to only stay abroad for 6 months, but then there was this South African Sailor who loved to spank me and call me his little slut. Moved to South Africa. Now its over, I'm heartbroken and back in NYC.