Frustration

First of all, JOB!!!!! I finally got a job offer, and I was even able to enter into negotiations and get myself an extra week of vacation and an earlier start to the benefits. I start next week! This is really great, because I currently have $800 to my name. I was going to have to get a waitressing job to make ends meet, and I really did not want that.

Second of all, I heard from Nate around 2 pm on Tuesday. I'm starting to think he is a classic pursuer/distancer. For example, after we had sex he was all, "I'm not into cuddling." I'm not really either, especially when I'm trying to fall asleep. So I responded, "Great!" and rolled over to the other side of the bed. Instantly, he was on top of me and suddenly all about the cuddles. Then, when I left his apartment without waking him up on Tuesday morning, he was probably like, "Why did she leave?" so I started getting texts right away.

He was basically texting me every few hours. He would send a text, and then I would respond, and eventually I would stop responding as soon as a text did not require a response. Then, a few hours later he would restart the conversation.

In one conversation I told him he had left me too sore and tired for my final run before my taper, so I had to move my schedule back a day. He texted back:

Then I'm sorry for fucking you

I responded

I don't believe that for a second!

He replied

You're right. I feel no remorse, and would like to do it again!

I wrote back

Here are some things you could do to make it happen again. A) Ask me out! B) Bonus points if you call rather than text

And then silence. Nothing. Now its Friday and I'm feeling like this is Ben all over again. Great, I'm good enough to fuck again, but not to go out with again? This actually made me feel really shitty. I don't know what to do. I do know that I'm looking for more than a fuck buddy situation and that I am not going to do the Ben thing again.

Coffee with a Genius?

I have NEVER said this about anyone before, but I think Nate might be too smart for me. We met up earlier today, and he was quite handsome- more handsome than I was expecting from the picture he sent. I was expecting him to be more gangly, because he looked super skinny in the photos.

We had a really nice conversation, and hung out for about two hours. I'm pretty smart- I went to a great college, I'm fairly witty in conversation, I know a lot of random trivia, I'm well traveled, well read and the recipient of a fairly prestigious international scholarship. He went to an ivy league, and despite having a humanities major he "dabbled" in graduate level math and physics. It was just a feeling I got while talking to him- not that I couldn't keep up, but just that I wasn't quite on his intellectual level. He wasn't even obnoxious about it, but I couldn't shake the feeling.

I had trouble reading whether or not he was interested, until he offered to walk me to my train and found an excuse to briefly touch me on my arm. Then I was like (to myself, not outloud) "ohhhh, you ARE interested."

There must be something about people I can't read that intrigues me, because I seemingly continue to date them. Its like, I get overly sexually attracted to people when I don't know if they're interested. I always want what I can't have!

I left my date quite interested in Nate. Apparently, he did too because I got some funny text from him a few hours later, and we texted a little back and forth over the evening. Then he texted this:

Next time we go somewhere for a drink so I can grill you about your, ahem, "interest."

I was so turned on when I got this text, I wanted to immediately be like, "ask away!" Then I remembered Ben, and I decided I should hold off awhile if I actually want to date him and not just get spankings from him.

Haha it's actually something I'm quite shy about so you're either going to have to get me wasted or (preferably) wait to get to know me a little better.

He responded

I guess that's reasonable

Again, now I am in the mode where I'm like "well, I hope he doesn't take that as a sign of disinterest." Its funny how I am like that- I wanted to please him with my answers, but if I'm not 100% percent comfortable then of course I shouldn't. I have to remember my mother's advice that you should never show your cards up front, and you have to preserve a little mystery because that is what men like. My mother's advice isn't terribly "PC" but it certainly works!

Ben's January Texts

I think Ben has me on a monthly schedule, because I got a text from him today.

Have you been behaving yourself? I wasn't going to respond, because I felt like I was done with him. But then I was laying on my bed and started getting hot for him.

No I've been sucking too much cock.

I knew a slut like you would have a mouth full of cock. Has your boyfriend learned to punish you yet?

No, the last punishment I had was your belt and then your cock.

Sounds like you need both of those again.

At this point I'm no longer regretting the text, because I'm on my bed masturbating. So much for me and the catholic priest

Ben, the hookup that just never ends

So I haven't heard from Ben in like 2 months. Today I get this text message.

Have you been a good girl lately?

It might be kind of strange, but I like telling him sexy little lies that turn me on.

I've been seeing this guy. He wants me to see only him.

Does he know what a slut you are? Does he know you suck my cock every time I want it?

No, he doesn't know. I shouldn't even be responding to you...

Does he know how you like being over my knee? 

No. and I've been thinking about it.

I think you need a spanking soon.

How soon?

As soon as possible. you deserve it.

Its true. I haven't been punished in a long time. I need my bare ass spanked raw.

I'm going to turn it bright red so you know what a little tramp you are.

My boyfriend treats me like a good girl, but I need to be treated like a dirty slut.

You are a dirty slut, and I'm going to show you just how dirty. When do you want your spankings?

 

Tomorrow. Please tomorrow.

Come to my apartment tomorrow right after work. As soon as the door closes behind you I want you to take off everything but your panties. I'll be sitting on the couch, I want you to get on your knees in front of me and wait to be told what to do next. I want your hair up and a thong. 

Yes Ben

I"m not going to come tonight so I have a larger load for your face tomorrow. 

More texts from Sean

So Sean has been continually texting me with dirty little messages. But they're also kind of sweet, or, they start out sweet. He starts by texting something like, "I miss you" or "I've been thinking of you." Then within a few exchanged texts they're all like "You won't believe what I've been doing to you in my head at night" or "tell me about how you make yourself come."

I, of course, love playing along. But honestly, I really want him to come and visit.  By the way, he broke up with his girlfriend. I don't want to press it too hard, because I want him to WANT to come see me (oh, and be my boyfriend, but whatever...)

Sean 2- Post Weekend

I got this text this morning from Sean.

"Are you at work?"

I am, but I'm in a meeting so I don't get it for a few hours. 

"Yes" I text back

"Oh" he responds "I was in the shower early and wanted to distract you with naughty pictures"

"Sean! how many times do I have to tell you I do I don't want pictures of you naked. Have some self control"

"I had some until the bar. Then you were just there asking for me to dominate you.  That was torturous!"

"I did NOT ask you to dominate me."

"You just about did. I haven't stopped thinking about it since."

"Yeah? Are you going to come see me in New York?"

"Do you want me to come and dominate you? Or do you want me to come and drive you around all day like your chauffeur?"

"You say you're so dominant, but I think you might be all talk."

"If I come to New York, I'm going to make you my little slut. Is that what you want?"

"I'll be such a little slut for you"

Now at this point I'm sitting at my desk going crazy. So innappropriate for work.

"Are you thinking of what you would do for me if I came to New York? Am I getting you hot at your desk?"

"yes"

"you're naughty."

"Are you going to punish me?"

"Oh yes. what are you wearing?"

"all dressed up for business. Tight sweater. pencil skirt. stockings, heels"

"nice. I like that."

 I didn't respond because I want to be the one in control this time.