Up to His Old Tricks?

So, as it turns out Ben is not actually looking for much more than we had before. We had lunch, finally this week. He was funnier than I remembered, taller than I remembered too. However, his hair was a mess. I wanted to have a hair intervention. He just got out of a 7 year relationship (on and off, off while we were "seeing each other"), and ex sounds batshit crazy. seriously crazy. Anyway, when I got back to my office I started getting gchats about how he couldn't stop thinking of the time we spent together, but wanted to be my friend with benefits. He did emphasize the "Friend" part and said that he thought it would be much hotter if we had a real friendship.

I was kind of like "friend with benefits sounds like casually dating to me, except you don't pay for my drinks" which he found funny.

I think he's being kind of a slut now that he's single. I don't want to be a rebound. I"m totally intrigued and wanting a spanking.

Nate's Over...but Guess Who's Back???!?!?!

The beach was the last time I saw Nate, I kept getting text after text from him, but no invites to do anything. I started getting bored and stopped responding to the texts enthusiastically. So now, nothing.

James also panned out to be nothing. I got that email from him...and then nothing, nothing, nothing. I've been so busy at my new job I haven't had much time to think about dating.

And then yesterday, I had a message from Ben on Facebook. It said

I still think about you. I'd love to see you again if you're back in New York.

Now, Ben had emailed me once last year looking to hook up again. I gave him a pretty straight forward "NO WAY." There's actually more of a story than that. I had never told Ben my last name, or gave him my actual email address. He took a few things he knew about me, combined with my first name and googled until he came up with a picture and a name. It was from my college website for this award I won. Then he found me on facebook. Creepy? Flattering? To this day I don't know.

So I wrote back

I am back in New York. I moved back a few months ago. I'm flattered you're still interested, but we're not looking for the same thing.

What are you looking for?

More than what you want to give me.

I can give you more now. I feel badly about how things went between us.

You don't need to feel badly about how things went, so I hope that's not why you say that. I suppose if you ask me out, I would say yes. I'm too busy right now, maybe in October.

I can wait until then.

So that was unexpected. Seriously, we hooked up like 4 times over 2 years ago. I never even really had the impression he liked me very much.

One of my roommates in college once commented that every guy I dated always came back for more, like I was the one they never forgot. I won't say I'm like that to everyone I've slept with. A lot of them do tend to come back though. Maybe it's because I let them do whatever they want to me in bed?

Frustration

First of all, JOB!!!!! I finally got a job offer, and I was even able to enter into negotiations and get myself an extra week of vacation and an earlier start to the benefits. I start next week! This is really great, because I currently have $800 to my name. I was going to have to get a waitressing job to make ends meet, and I really did not want that.

Second of all, I heard from Nate around 2 pm on Tuesday. I'm starting to think he is a classic pursuer/distancer. For example, after we had sex he was all, "I'm not into cuddling." I'm not really either, especially when I'm trying to fall asleep. So I responded, "Great!" and rolled over to the other side of the bed. Instantly, he was on top of me and suddenly all about the cuddles. Then, when I left his apartment without waking him up on Tuesday morning, he was probably like, "Why did she leave?" so I started getting texts right away.

He was basically texting me every few hours. He would send a text, and then I would respond, and eventually I would stop responding as soon as a text did not require a response. Then, a few hours later he would restart the conversation.

In one conversation I told him he had left me too sore and tired for my final run before my taper, so I had to move my schedule back a day. He texted back:

Then I'm sorry for fucking you

I responded

I don't believe that for a second!

He replied

You're right. I feel no remorse, and would like to do it again!

I wrote back

Here are some things you could do to make it happen again. A) Ask me out! B) Bonus points if you call rather than text

And then silence. Nothing. Now its Friday and I'm feeling like this is Ben all over again. Great, I'm good enough to fuck again, but not to go out with again? This actually made me feel really shitty. I don't know what to do. I do know that I'm looking for more than a fuck buddy situation and that I am not going to do the Ben thing again.

This Morning I Can't Sit Down

All weekend Nate was blowing up my phone. I went home for the weekend to spend time with my family, and he was sending flirty texts all weekend. I was careful to make sure he always sent the last text, and that he always sent the first one too. However, he never asked me about my schedule or if I wanted to meet up.

Monday I was on a pub crawl in his neighborhood, so with one, or two (or four) drinks in me I sent him a text asking if he wanted to join. He was at first slightly reluctant and said he might come, to which I replied

No Way. If you don't come in the next hour, no game! I'll be far too drunk and you too sober.

He came, just under an hour later. It wasn't 5 minutes before his hand was grabbing my knee and caressing my leg under the table. He proceeded to accompany us to the last three bars. At the last bar, around 8 pm, he told me he couldn't wait to make out with me in private and asked me to come home with him.

Okay. I knew I probably shouldn't have texted him when I was already drinking. I knew that I probably shouldn't sleep with him on our 3rd date. I did both.

We went back to his place and started making out on his couch. He put his hand up my skirt and found out I wasn't wearing any panties. I hadn't planned to not wear panties or text him, but I had been at the gym in the morning (my big half marathon is this upcoming weekend!), and had forgot to pack a pair!

I got a spanking for that. He spanked me really really hard. Way harder than Rob ever did. Way harder than Ben ever did. We fooled around for hours, and after a few hours we fucked. We did it in every position. He was also really into going down on me... and eating my ass. Is this something new people are doing? Johannes was really into it, this Austrian guy I took home with me was really into it, and now Nate? Before the last three people I've hooked up with, no had ever expressed any interest in it. Suddenly, boys cannot get enough of my ass.

He also slapped my face a few times, which is something Rob and I had played around with. I slapped him back, which is something I like. Also, he had a huge cock, which I was worried about. I mean, I was worried he would have a small one!

He couldn't seem to believe that boys were not into spanking me. He also seemed really into my eyes. Anyway, after we were finished I was trying to sleep, but he would not leave me alone.

In the morning I woke up early and was starving. He was still very asleep so I quietly left. In the morning I was kind of regretting jumping so quickly into bed with him. It felt like Ben all over again, like I was never going to hear from him again or he was only going to call me when he wanted to hook up.

I missed Johannes so much. I just wish he didn't live in a different hemisphere.

Ben's January Texts

I think Ben has me on a monthly schedule, because I got a text from him today.

Have you been behaving yourself? I wasn't going to respond, because I felt like I was done with him. But then I was laying on my bed and started getting hot for him.

No I've been sucking too much cock.

I knew a slut like you would have a mouth full of cock. Has your boyfriend learned to punish you yet?

No, the last punishment I had was your belt and then your cock.

Sounds like you need both of those again.

At this point I'm no longer regretting the text, because I'm on my bed masturbating. So much for me and the catholic priest

Looking for more...

After I came home from Ben's, I felt kind of strange. I like it when Ben spanks me, but I don't like how I pretty much just go over there for a spanking. I like it rough, but sometimes I like to be cuddled and treated like a good girl too. I really am looking for a relationship, not just an on going fuck buddy (or, as in Ben's case, a non-fuck buddy)

So I decided to put my own ad up on craigslist today, just to see what kind of response I would get. I had no idea how to start so I just threw something together:

Do you think this is Strange?

I'm 26, tall, cute, normal weight, intelligent, outgoing, charming and a little silly. In the past I have been approached in bars, clubs, or subway stations, and have even managed to go on dates with attractive men. So why am I posting on craigslist?

Its because I'm shy about one thing. I have a thing for being spanked. In my experience, not everyone thinks this is so amazing. I'm not usually so forward about this, but I'm sick of wasting my time dating people who aren't interested. That's not all there is to me, and thats not all I'm looking for, but I figured it was someplace to start. 

It is now up for 7 days. I am interested to see my responses.

Ben takes off his belt.

I left work a few minutes early so I could be at Ben's place by 5:30. I, of course, was running late, and at 5:31 I get a text message telling me I'm late, and that every minute late I am equals two spanks. 

I was 10 minutes late. Ben was not happy with me. I walked into his apartment and bolted the door. I took off my sweater, then unbuttoned my white collared shirt. I unzipped my skirt and let it fall to the floor. Then I slipped off my bra and tights, so I was in just a little black mesh thong. I left my clothes in a little pile at his door, and he was touching himself.

I walked over to him and knelt at his feet, "Is this the part where I apologize?"

"Yes"

"I'm sorry" His cock is in his hand and he directs me to lick the shaft. Then to take it in my mouth. 

"So you have a boyfriend?"

"He's not really my boyfriend."

"What would he say if he could see you now, sucking me off?"

"He'd think I was a total slut."

"You are a slut. Look at you, how often are you going to beg for my cock while you're dating him?"

"As often as you want" He then forced my head down and fucked my mouth. 

"You like that you little slut? You like gagging on my cock? You like it when I hit you in the face with it?  Stand up. Turn around" Then he starting spanking me, hard. I was sort of jumping around, crying out, flinching. He threw me over the chair, and out of the corner of my eye I could see him undoing his belt. I wasn't sure if he was taking his pants off, or if he was going to whip me with it. He doubled it over and let it rest against my ass for a second before winding up and smacking me across the legs. It didn't hurt as much as I expected, but I still moaned and squirmed and whined every time it hit me. He counted to 20 and told me not to be late again. Then he made me lie down on the floor and masturbate for him. He kept shoving my legs apart telling me to spread wider. 

He had me get on all fours and continued spanking me. Then he came on my face. 

Ben, the hookup that just never ends

So I haven't heard from Ben in like 2 months. Today I get this text message.

Have you been a good girl lately?

It might be kind of strange, but I like telling him sexy little lies that turn me on.

I've been seeing this guy. He wants me to see only him.

Does he know what a slut you are? Does he know you suck my cock every time I want it?

No, he doesn't know. I shouldn't even be responding to you...

Does he know how you like being over my knee? 

No. and I've been thinking about it.

I think you need a spanking soon.

How soon?

As soon as possible. you deserve it.

Its true. I haven't been punished in a long time. I need my bare ass spanked raw.

I'm going to turn it bright red so you know what a little tramp you are.

My boyfriend treats me like a good girl, but I need to be treated like a dirty slut.

You are a dirty slut, and I'm going to show you just how dirty. When do you want your spankings?

 

Tomorrow. Please tomorrow.

Come to my apartment tomorrow right after work. As soon as the door closes behind you I want you to take off everything but your panties. I'll be sitting on the couch, I want you to get on your knees in front of me and wait to be told what to do next. I want your hair up and a thong. 

Yes Ben

I"m not going to come tonight so I have a larger load for your face tomorrow. 

Ben- I guess it's not over?

So the next day Ben texts me. "Was that you last night"

So I texted back, "yes, sorry I wasn't expecting to see you, I was so surprised I forgot to say hello"

"I thought it was you. So you were out with your friends last night. Were you good?"

"No."

"Did you do something slutty?"

"Yes. I went home with a guy I used to work with. I sucked his cock." 

This was a lie. I don't know why I did it, but it turned me on.

"Was he big? Where did he come?"

"yes. big and thick. he came on my tits"

"you are such a slut. you are a dirty dirty little slut"

At this point I'm in a museum with my friend but I'm so turned on.

"come over to my apartment."

"Can't now."

"When?"

"Tomorrow?"

"No. you need it today." 

And I did need it. I needed it badly. So I left the museum about an hour later, said goodbye to my friend, and took the train to his apartment. When I got there Ben bolted his door and sat on his couch. He asked me to take off all my clothes and as I did he masturbated. Then he had me stand in front of him, completely naked and ask for my punishment. He had me tell him in detail about what I had done the night before. This time I was more ready and had some good fake details to throw in. Then he ordered me over his knee. He played with my bottom a little while I rubbed up against him, so excited for my spanking. Then he hit me again and again, calling me his little slut and pulling my hair. He had me get up and go to the kitchen and find him something to spank me with once his hand grew tired. I brought back a thick wooden spoon. I'd never been spanked with anything but a hand before. It hurt for longer than a normal spanking, and I was rubbing my ass while I blew him afterwards.

A friday night sighting

So Ben and I have been exchanging emails since our second date, but like I mentioned, I've been out of town on business. 

When I came back I sent him an email saying that I had been a naughty slut in Toronto, and how would he punish me? He told me I had to tell him what I would want him to do, and then he would let me know how I would be punished. He told me he was definitely going to give me a spanking and make me please him.

So I wrote this dirty email about being over his knee with my skirt up and my panties around my knees.

He wrote back saying I liked being spanked too much, and he was going to have to find something that would be a punishment. he told me that he was going to spank me naked while he was fully dressed, and that I would have to go to the bathroom and get a hairbrush and bring it back to him. (I'll admit this has featured in my fantasies for the last three days). He said he was going to make me beg for punishment. 

and then....nothing.  Nothing at all.

Then last night I was out by his house at some bars, and walking down the street with 4 friends. I passed by him. I couldn't believe it. I passed by him with a girl and another guy. We didn't even acknowledge each other.

I guess thats over :(

#3- Date 2

Ohhhh dear, I really am a slut and deserve everything I get. 

So there we are. date #2. I guess now we've been on two dates I should call him by his name, Ben. So Ben and I meet up, and its not even two hours before we're back at his apartment. He's deadbolted the door and has me over his knee. I'm kicking and moaning and he's got me firmly by the hair with his left hand and spanking my ass with his right.

So we're at a bar getting a drink. Conversation is going well, his hand brushes my leg. Its 5:30, we've both just left work. At 6 he gets a phone call from his roommate. His roommate says he's still at work, and should be home in an hour and a half. Ben's hand slips up my leg and we make this hot eye contact. "So we'd have my apartment for the next bit, " he whispers, "and I think you've probably been a naughty girl today."

My ass starts to tingle and all I want is for him to bring me to his apartment and teach me a lesson. He finishes his beer, so I take mine in a gulp and stand up and walk out with him. 

We're sitting on his couch and he's rubbing my legs. Then he makes me tell him what I want him to do. I can barely speak. I'm so embarrassed. I am stuttering and nervous, and I don't know why. I whisper that I want him to force me over his knee, push my dress up, pull my panties down and give me a spanking. He's coaxing me along and telling me how hard I'm making him. 

"Then what?" he asks

but I can't even answer. I can't even think of how I want to answer.  I'm suddenly feeling so shy.

"Do you like sucking cock?"

"yes" I whisper with my eyes downcast.

"do you like it hard"

"yes. yes, and I like getting my hair pulled" Then he's got me over his knee, he starts spanking me over my panties. I'm trying to get more into it, but I'm still feeling a little odd about the whole thing. He's another one into being verbal. But he wants to hear all about my fantasies. He wants me to tell him all the naughty sexual things I've done. This is kind of weird though, I mean, why does he want to hear about me with other men? Does he really think I'm a slut or is he just saying it for fun?

So he's spanking me and demanding that I tell him all about what a slut I am. So I try to pull some old stories (because lets be honest, I'm really not getting that much action right now).

When he's finished punishing me I get on my knees and give him head. He's quite forcefully shoving his cock down my throat. Luckily I like it. Then we kind of collapse in mutual exhaustion on his couch, and I'm still feeling shy. I never feel shy! I am not a shy person, but I'm a little embarrassed about the whole thing, so I kind of run out of his apartment. He's all, "when are you free next" and I respond, "ummm I'm going out of town for a little bit. I'll be back in like 6 days. Give you a call when I'm back in New York?"

Bachelor 3- post date

Well, maybe I was wrong. I got an email from him a few hours later saying that he was really attracted to me and hoped I wanted to meet again.

I, of course, do.

Bachelor #3

So after a month of missing each other we finally met up for a drink today. The Verdict: Totally cute and nice.  Interesting also. He's someone I would definitely meet and be interested in dating. 

Now, I'm not so sure he was interested in me. He kept looking away when I was speaking.  What? Like I'm boring or something? Let me tell you, I am not. or at least I hope I'm not. We met really quickly, because I had to be home early. I told him he could call me. We'll see what happens.

Craigslist Bachelor #3

Okay, one more response to a craigslist ad. I got an email back. This one says he is 6'0" (and you can't THAT blatantly lie about height, so this one must be taller than me!), thin, brown hair, looking for more than a one night stand. Oh, and he attached a picture and looks totally cute.

 He likes books (I like books!), skiing (I love skiing!), and good restaurants (we are clearly getting married). One caveat- I disbelieve men who say they are looking for a long term relationship. I mean, how do you know? I thought everything was just short term unless you really liked the person. That's the problem with online dating I think- you are all of a sudden on a date, you don't get any time to figure out if you like the person, don't like the person or just like them as friends. I don't know  that I could seriously date someone on the interest. I WANT to, because, God knows, I'm not satisfied in the relationships with the men I just meet, so why not? If I already know that they can (and are willing to) sexually satisfy me, well, then I can just concentrate on getting to know them. I don't have to be all stressed about whether they think its weird I like to be spanked. I don't have to wait and wait and wait for the moment that I'm comfortable enough with my partner to be like "hey, it would be awesome if you dominated me when we have sex." 

You know, sometimes people you love say no, and then what the hell do you do? Do you stay with someone you love who leaves you sexually unsatisfied? Is it okay to break up with someone because they aren't as kinky as you?

I'm sick of not being sexually satisfied!